FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
