I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
