You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
