Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
this hospital has no fireball
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
