so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
