She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
