i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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