If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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