Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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