Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
