I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
