just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
