The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
