I have demons in me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
