You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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