You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
