well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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