I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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