I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
