Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
