my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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