whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
