What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
