We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
