Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
