also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this just has baby written all over it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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