Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
