i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
