i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
