Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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