Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
