the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
