I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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