32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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