upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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