found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
