And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
