she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
