I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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