I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
