my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
