The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
