Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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