You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
