apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
