We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
