He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
