you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
