Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
