I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
