I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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