dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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